A Practical Peacemaker Ponders . . .

I’m guessing that Beliefnet, which focuses on our spiritual connections, attracts more introverts than perhaps other social networking sites do. If you’re one of them, as I am, and have felt like an oddball among friends, family, and co-workers, I highly recommend The Introvert Advantage; How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D.

It’s so comforting to find not only support for being the way we are, but a clear understanding of how it actually gives us an advantage! Introverts have “the ability to focus deeply, the capacity to observe, a propensity for thinking outside the box, the strength to make unpopular decisions, and the potential to slow the world down a notch,” Laney writes. We have the patience and determination to stick with a problem until we solve it, an essential quality for scientists and inventors, among others. Some well-known entertainers are introverts as well. If you feel misunderstood, remind yourself of these famous people who are/were introverts: Clint Eastwood, Thomas Edison, Harrison Ford, Bill Gates, Katherine Graham (late owner of The Washington Post), Sir Alfred Hitchcock, Michael Jordan, Grace Kelly, Abraham Lincoln, Steve Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow, Michele Pfeiffer, and Charles Schulz (Peanuts cartoonist).

Perhaps you’re not sure whether you’re an introvert or not? The book contains quizzes and personal journal exercises to clarify that, and to deepen your understanding of your preferences and needs. We also need to understand how extroverts operate and what they need, since they make up seventy-five percent of the population. You’ll find advice on interacting with extroverts in the context of relationships, parenting, socializing, and working.

I learned something about my conversational style. I like to be able to finish a sentence without being interrupted, and to allow others to do the same. To me this is common courtesy, yet frequently I hear co-workers and even friends cutting me or other people off. It may not be rudeness at all, however. After reading Laney’s book, I understand that introverts tend to speak more slowly, both because we have a quieter energy level, and because we think carefully about what we want to say. Extroverts who cut us off may simply not understand this. We can calmly speak up when interrupted and say, “Please let me finish.”

Laney has also written The Introvert & Extrovert in Love, and The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child. Her insights can increase our appreciation of ourselves and improve our relationships with others. Check it out!